i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
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just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.