I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way