"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
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Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
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Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens