can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.