reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation