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everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
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