I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
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My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today