So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We are all done wearing pants today
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan