I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair