You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
These 27 Creepy People Did The Craziest Things To Prove Their Love
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.