I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.