This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms