You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?