Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.