he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?