Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (660)

Last Night in Missouri (660)

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(660): View more from Missouri

Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...

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(660): Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport... http://tfl.nu/e5jz

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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?

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(660): Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test? http://tfl.nu/cwr3

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How did you make it to work sans hangover?

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4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols

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(660): How did you make it to work sans hangover? (816): 4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols http://tfl.nu/2csk

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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.

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(660): I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym. http://tfl.nu/tj7a

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You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?

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(660): You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that? http://tfl.nu/jtqu

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I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.

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(660): I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush. http://tfl.nu/ahlc

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Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.

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(660): Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes. http://tfl.nu/p00s

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Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart

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What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?

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Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni

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(660): Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart (281): What theme did he decide on for the bathroom? (660): Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni http://tfl.nu/hovp

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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.

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(660): It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope. http://tfl.nu/g3x7

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I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah

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(660): I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah http://tfl.nu/jyz7

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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.

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Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...

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(660): He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence. (816): Your vagina must be laced with cocaine... http://tfl.nu/n747

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We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.

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(660): We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend. http://tfl.nu/9y0s

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And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.

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(660): And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this. http://tfl.nu/if6q

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People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic

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(660): People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic http://tfl.nu/zs06

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The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.

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(660): The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working. http://tfl.nu/zgl5

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Last Night in Missouri (660)

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