Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Missouri (660)

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  (660): View more from Missouri

  So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers

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  (660): So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers http://tfl.nu/krcd
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  He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed

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  (660): He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed http://tfl.nu/yvvk
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  I have a hunch Mama J got around.

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  Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?

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  (660): I have a hunch Mama J got around. (660): Am I allowed to say that about my own mom? http://tfl.nu/20rk
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  I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.

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  It's called being normal.

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  (660): I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals. (417): It's called being normal. http://tfl.nu/c2qe
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  I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.

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  (660): I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now. http://tfl.nu/b4q6
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  The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment

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  (660): The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment http://tfl.nu/9skg
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  I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!

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  (660): I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification! http://tfl.nu/z1dt
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  On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.

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  (660): On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics. http://tfl.nu/mn1y
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  What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.

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  (660): What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food. http://tfl.nu/k4pm
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  I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.

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  (660): I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst. http://tfl.nu/whde
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  I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..

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  (660): I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won.. http://tfl.nu/18ev
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  I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.

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  THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER

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  (660): I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before. (1-660): THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER http://tfl.nu/zmd9
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  hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?

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  yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward

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  (660): hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv? (816): yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward http://tfl.nu/dn5c
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  Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!

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  (660): Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription! http://tfl.nu/if8j
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