He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...