I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?