From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say