I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dating After Heartbreak
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow