There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax