I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know