Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.