Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed