Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (631)

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  I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.

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  (631): I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice. http://tfl.nu/lrh1
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  did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?

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  (631): did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic? http://tfl.nu/zced
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  I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill

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  omg. that's awesome

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  (631): I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill (1-631): omg. that's awesome http://tfl.nu/py18
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  fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic

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  (631): fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic http://tfl.nu/x558
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  he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan

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  (631): he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan http://tfl.nu/sol0
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  he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him

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  (631): he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him http://tfl.nu/2wji
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  So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.

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  (631): So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown. http://tfl.nu/wxtg
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  Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole

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  (631): Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole http://tfl.nu/78ec
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  If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person

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  (631): If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person http://tfl.nu/73za
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  he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing

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  (631): he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing http://tfl.nu/xi7n
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  I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"

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  (631): I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone" http://tfl.nu/bfbc
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  Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital

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  (631): Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital http://tfl.nu/fnso
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  im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night

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  (631): im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night http://tfl.nu/im54
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  Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.

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  (631): Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down. http://tfl.nu/0h9y
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  He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?

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  (631): He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he? http://tfl.nu/banx
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