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I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
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