Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi