This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I am one with the molecules
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet