It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.