the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
BRING THE BAGELS
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
