At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
