i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
I am so proud to call you my friend
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.