Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.