Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha