He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
I am so proud to call you my friend