Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.