I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.