He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think your dad took our porno
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...