Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (573)

Last Night in Missouri (573)

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(573): View more from Missouri

Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.

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(573): Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing. http://tfl.nu/j85g

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So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40

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I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers

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(573): So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40 (417): I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers http://tfl.nu/ngz4

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I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.

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Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.

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(573): I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days. (573): Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven. http://tfl.nu/oqxt

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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.

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(573): and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat. http://tfl.nu/xl3m

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So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.

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(573): So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs. http://tfl.nu/477y

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That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case

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WTF.

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(719): That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case (573): WTF. http://tfl.nu/t6hg

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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.

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(573): Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home. http://tfl.nu/anic

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These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.

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(573): These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times. http://tfl.nu/8sq6

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Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.

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(573): Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos. http://tfl.nu/hx66

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I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.

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(573): I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles. http://tfl.nu/yuyj

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Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?

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(573): Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk? http://tfl.nu/c8sl

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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.

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(573): He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady. http://tfl.nu/txg0

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Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me

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(573): Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me http://tfl.nu/lmhn

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Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.

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Mardi gras at its finest.

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(573): Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay. (1-573): Mardi gras at its finest. http://tfl.nu/2k5p

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i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.

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(573): i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man. http://tfl.nu/t42g

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Last Night in Missouri (573)

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