Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.