just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?