Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ontario (519)

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  just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.

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  (519): just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night. http://tfl.nu/1l56
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  he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes

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  (519): he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes http://tfl.nu/rvmv
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  dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way

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  (519): dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way http://tfl.nu/6t17
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  My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.

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  (519): My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again. http://tfl.nu/uf58
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  he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job

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  (519): he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job http://tfl.nu/3g10
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  I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.

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  (519): I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex. http://tfl.nu/m5l5
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  You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now

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  (519): You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now http://tfl.nu/uorn
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  Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.

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  (519): Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this. http://tfl.nu/msry
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  why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?

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  (519): why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong? http://tfl.nu/074u
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  his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own

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  (519): his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own http://tfl.nu/8vl5
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  dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.

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  (519): dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto. http://tfl.nu/omlc
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  how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.

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  (519): how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail. http://tfl.nu/ymgr
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  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

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  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
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  He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.

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  (519): He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship. http://tfl.nu/txlk
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  It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.

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  (519): It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well. http://tfl.nu/djcp
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