got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."