answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series