We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
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I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
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Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?