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i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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