He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
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he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
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You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.