I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed