Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm determined to sit on that face.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.