As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
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I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can feel your judgement through the phone