hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room