My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence