I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
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We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried