This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems