At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.