Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail