1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast