At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
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FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.