i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
are you so shy because you have an std?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't