To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.