He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.