I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!