Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking