Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.