Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.