THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.