She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night