First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.