First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.