so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love