His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench