It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?