It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.