the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????