Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed